Day 8: So Many Questions…

So many questions/ Is It All In My head

Having answered the question (Are you a writer?) to my satisfaction, I renewed my commitment to the book. I created time in my daily schedule to write. I had multiple overseas trips coming up in the first half of 2019 and I increased my writing efforts to make up for the time I would lose because of the travel. I immersed myself in the book and both the plot and the characters benefited from this attention, developing depth and becoming more nuanced. But there still remained a block that would not allow me to visualize the last one third of the book. I was well and truly stuck. As I wondered how I was going to get through this block, I became aware of how, in life, there is always an exquisite tension between opposing forces. Let me try to explain what I mean. I wanted to force my way through this writer’s block, keep writing even if what I wrote was nonsense. Was that the right approach? Or should I show up to write but more in the spirit of waiting for the muse to show up? Should I hustle (so popular in today’s go-go world) or should I allow for the words to show up? The answer wasn’t clear. (Another example of opposing forces, that I think is similar, is when Dr. Bren√© Brown talks about fitting in vs belonging. Here the choice is clear- choose to be your authentic self.) In the interest of progress, I showed up and just wrote. But even as I increased the word count, I knew I wouldn’t be keeping most of it. Two thirds of the book was done. But, what should I do next? A certain detachment crept in and an unwillingness to take responsibility for the lack of momentum – I showed up, I persevered, what else was I supposed to do? I had so many questions. For one, who was I addressing? Did I have a personal muse in addition to muses who looked after writers everywhere? Was I addressing the universe? When do we know that we should stop or let something go ( a project, a creative endeavor, a quest) and when do we know that we should press on ahead, in spite of obstacles? When are obstacles, tests of commitment, and when are they just obstacles that want to stop and divert you towards something else?

So many questions/ Is It All In My head

August 13, 2019
August 22, 2019

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